| | | Thoughts while deciding which car I should lend to Carson Palmer ...
|  | | The Hall of Fame will welcome Mark McGwire with arms wide open on the first ballot in 2007. |
I had "Shallow Hal" plus 21 (million). I had Jonathan Franzen minus O (for
Oprah). I had Melissa Gilbert in a barn-burner with SAG-rival Valerie Harper
(they're still checking on that one). But I'll need to confine my predictions
to pop culture for a while ... since I opened my big yap and bet maybe half
of my "Unscripted" colleagues that Mark McGwire would not be a first-ballot
Hall of Famer in 2007. What was I thinking?
(Oh, yeah ... that with home-run inflation still very much upon us, Mac's
gaudy totals won't look so fine by the end of Hillary's first term in the
Senate ... that in a year that will feature Cal, who reinvented shortstop,
and Tony, who never stopped hitting, and maybe even Rickey, who was the best
lead-off man ever, Mark may start to look more like Roger Maris than ever. Or
just be the Nice Dave Kingman.)
Well, I'm wrong. The guy's in. I should have had that CAT scan they gave to
Don King ... and honestly, what does it sound like when you give Don King a
CAT scan? A muffled, ceaseless roar? Like if that guy from Creed sang "With
Arms Wide Open" inside the old Chicago Stadium?
No wonder I beat it to the El Ray in L.A. on Thursday night, where noted
cricket fan Mick Jagger -- who once wore Paolo Rossi's jersey onstage during
a Rolling Stones concert in Italy in 1982, the year Rossi led the Azzuri to
the World Cup -- pumped out a shot-for-TV, six-song set to promote his new
solo album for furloughed Lakers fan Jack Nicholson (missing the OT win
against the Rockets) and former Santa Monica High School tennis team member
Sean Penn. Great show. From what I could see, Mick had Dominique Wilkins'
moves and Dominque Moceanu's behind. He has not lost a step since '82.
|  | | Mick Jagger doesn't have the Rossi jersey, but he still has the moves. |
Nor for that matter has Diamondbacks third baseman Matt Williams' spouse,
Michelle Johnson, who you will remember from "Blame It on Rio," and who I
recall from "Far and Away," in which Tom Cruise played an Irish amateur boxer
for director Ron Howard. Michelle says she's been talking to HBO about an
art-imitates-life role in a proposed Sopranosesque series called "Baseball
Wives." I'm sure she'd be great, provided she can somehow get out of her mind
a potentially disturbing image that I'm afraid I planted there: that Ron
Howard has said that on occasion, he likes to dance around his house naked.
Perhaps we should all send him a Paolo Rossi kit?
I'm sure, right about now, Charles Oakley wouldn't mind wearing one of those.
Or any jersey aside from the one he's currently in. Was there a better story
in sports all week than Oakley and the Chicago Bulls? For years, the Bulls
were great ... then they were awful ... now, unexpectedly, for the very first
time, the Bulls are fascinatingly, compellingly, spectacularly awful.
Suddenly, everyone is spitting mad at everyone over there! Oakley, Jerry
Krause, Tim Floyd, Tyson Chandler ... and here's the best part: How can it
possibly get any better?
And when it comes to the misfortune of others, consider the Terrell Owens
situation. Doesn't his drama with Steve Mariucci have little or nothing to do
with conservative play-calling, or one coach's alleged affection for another,
or anything like that? It's no secret that Owens grew up withut much of a
fatherly presence in the home. Doesn't it seem as if on some level Owens is
testing Mariucci -- goading him, almost -- to see if Mariucci's loyalty to
him and affection for him is real or illusory? Viewed in that context,
Mariucci's response to Owens' charge -- "The most ridiculous thing I've heard
in 23 years of coaching, void of deep thought" -- sort of misses the point,
doesn't it? I mean, of course it is. Mooch might want to take a page
out of the book of Dick Vermeil (didn't he coach with Bill Walsh at Cal in
the early '60s? ), overlook Owens' outbursts, and instead show T.O. more love
and support -- he'd likely receive more as a result.
|  | | Hard to bet against Gwyneth Paltrow, left, Jack Black and the Farrelly brothers' "Shallow Hal." |
Same thing with Eddie Kennison. Obviously, something has gone seriously wrong
in his world to lead him to quit football midseason. Even if it's not a
family illness that spurred Kennison, it still is a little painful to hear
owner Pat Bowlen going on about how Eddie "heard the noise," couldn't handle
the pressure of being Denver's regular third-down receiver, and quit.
Tomorrow, and for a long time afterward, Pat Bowlen will own the Broncos.
Meanwhile, Kennison's life -- especially now that he's recanted his
retirement -- figures to be fraught with plenty of uncertainty and confusion
in the weeks ahead. It's one thing for coach Mike Shanahan to cut Kennison
loose, but for the owner to pile on afterward ... it leaves a bad taste, doesn't it?
Then again, I had Kentucky on Thursday night. What was I thinking?
Chris Connelly writes a weekly column for Page 2. "Unscripted with Chris Connelly," the TV show airs at 5 p.m. ET, Monday-Friday on ESPN.
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