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Name That Psycho Page 2 staff | ||||
| The world of sports has had more than its usual share of bizarre behavior recently, and we at Page 2 have kept careful track of every major incident. What we don't understand, however is: Why? Too much pressure, full moons, strange chemicals in the water, the Greenhouse effect?  To help us -- and you -- figure out what is going on, Page 2 enlisted the aid of one of America's foremost shrinks, Dr. Melfi, who numbers among her clients the anxiety-ridden New Jersey crime boss, Tony Soprano. Dr. Melfi agreed to exploratory visits with several noted sports whackos, in order to help us with our first "Name That Psycho" quiz. Citing confidentiality laws, Dr. Melfi refused to divulge the identities of her one-time-only sports "clients," but did share some of her case notes.
Your job, as you've probably figured out by now, is to use Dr. Melfi's clues to "Name That Psycho."
Patient A A middle-aged man with a protruding midsection, Patient A revealed himself to be an anger junkie when I suggested he relax by taking off his sweater and getting comfortable. He said that the last person who suggested that -- apparently a Midwestern educator of some kind -- was the source of his problem, feelings of isolation brought on by being forced to live in a godforsaken area of Texas.
The patient exhibited advanced paranoia, total inability to accept any responsibility for his own actions, extreme childlike behavior (throwing things like chairs, vases and Puerto Rican security guards). When I tried to make him relax a little bit by calling him by his first name, Patient A grabbed me by the neck and insisted that I call him Coach A or Mr. A. Seems like a good candidate for a spanking.
Click here to find out who Patient A is |
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