In the world of sports, the very definition of a dysfunctional family is the Glazers of Tampa.

	Joel, left, and Bryan Glazer make up two-thirds of the Bucs' "braintrust."

First, they fired the most popular and successful coach in Bucs history, Tony Dungy, on the assumption that two-time Super Bowl winner Bill Parcells would take the job. While they waited for the Big Tuna -- futilely, as it turned out -- they missed a chance to hire Steve Spurrier, who would only have been a perfect fit for this offensively challenged club.

After Parcells embarrassed them by changing his mind (where have we heard that one before?), and with Dungy already on his way to the Indianapolis Colts (and their dysfunctional ownership family ... but that's a story for another time), the Glazer boys tried to pry Jon Gruden from Raiders, where he still has a year to go on his contract, with a tasty mixture of draft picks and money. Unfortunately, the mixture was not tasty enough for the Raiders' greedy owner, Al Davis, a man who has, on occasion, been known to be vindictive toward employees trying to leave.

With Gruden out of reach, at least until next year, the Bucs seemed to turn their focus toward Marvin Lewis, the highly respected defensive genius of the Ravens. GM Rich McKay went so far as to publicly endorse Lewis, and news reports had the soon-to-be former coordinator all but hired. But after a meeting with the hard-to-please Glazers, he, too, was out of the Bucs' picture.

The Glazers then turned to Maryland head coach Ralph Friedgen, who considered the offer but quickly returned to his senses. Oregon's Mike Bellotti also took his name out of the running. (Those college guys are smart.)

So now what for the Bucs? Page 2 has managed to obtain the transcript of a top-secret breakfast meeting among the three Glazer boys -- executive vice presidents, all -- as they considered six strong candidates for head coach.

However, we know ... and you know ... that the Glazers will have trouble making up their minds, let alone reaching the right decision. So, as ever, we are asking Page 2's readers to help. Consider the various pros and cons of each of the six candidates, then vote in the poll on the right for the one you think will most help the troubled Bucs.

	Rich Kotite Ed Glazer: "If we can't get Parcells, we can always get the guy who laid the foundation for all of Parcells' success with the Jets." Joel Glazer: "Yeah, I like everything about Richie -- expect the résumé he submitted doesn't include his career coaching record ... though I'm sure it's perfectly respectable."
	Gene Hackman Bryan Glazer: "If Hackman could get Keanu Reeves to throw a tight spiral, imagine what he could do with Brad Johnson." Ed Glazer: "I don't like him at all. I watched him coach a couple basketball games for Hickory High in Indiana, and it seemed like his players made all the key coaching moves for him." Joel Glazer: "And he doesn't seem to have much taste in assistants. You could smell the alcohol on Shooter's breath clear across the gym." Bryan Glazer: "But those Indiana high school gyms are so small ..."
	Goldie Hawn Ed Glazer: "We'll put people in the seats and restore our reputation as groundbreaking owners by hiring the first female coach in NFL history." Joel Glazer: "But I'm a little concerned that Warren Sapp could have a coronary if she tries that distance-running contest she used during her successful coaching stint at Central High." Bryan Glazer: "How about this, though ... we get Snake Plisken for our offensive coordinator. For free!"
	Marv Levy Joel Glazer: "Wisdom is good, and old people, like Marv, sometimes have wisdom." Bryan Glazer: "Yeah, I'm hoping when we get old, we'll have some, too." Ed Glazer: "I don't know. It didn't seem to work out like that with Dad. After all, he put us in charge of the team."
	Al Pacino Bryan Glazer: "Let's face it, the guy gives the best pregame speeches of anybody we've ever heard." Ed Glazer: "Yeah, he makes Parcells sound like that French skating judge." Joel Glazer: "The only thing that worried me was when his agent, the old guy with the orange in his mouth, leaned over and whispered something in his ear. It sounded to me like he was saying, 'Don't worry, I'll make them an offer they can't refuse.' "
	Bill Parcells Bryan Glazer: "He changed his mind about us, but we changed our mind about Marvin Lewis. So the way I look at it, we're starting out even." Ed Glazer: "So maybe he'll change his mind about us again ... Joel Glazer: "... and then we can change our minds about him ..." Ed Glazer: "... and then people will realize we can't be messed with ..." Bryan Glazer: "... and they'll respect this franchise again ..." Ed Glazer: "... the way they did when Tony Dungy was our coach ..." All three, in unison: "Oops."