This loaded liar is looking for love on reality-TV.

Leading this month's reality-TV barrage, "Joe Millionaire" represents the unexpected volume of viewers as much as the irony of the show's premise: At some swank French chateau, a really rich guy woos 25 single women, one of whom will be picked to be his wife.

The "big surprise" is that he's really a penniless construction worker, but won't it be a lot of fun to humiliate these shallow, catty women every week until the "winner" gets the guy -- and the truth?

Like it or not, it's the hottest show on TV -- call it "Who Wants to Marry a Fake Millionaire?" It's so hot that a couple of sports-themed spinoffs may be in development.

Page 2 provides a preview:

Show Title: "Joe Parcells"

Premise: Legendary football coach enjoys camaraderie and fulfillment in retirement as TV analyst, saying he's done with coaching.

Big Surprise! Catches coaching bug, returns with unlikely gig working for NFL's most micro-managing owner, poaching assistants from staffs across the league.

* * *

Show Title: "Joe McNabb"

Premise: Injured, out-of-sync, previously great QB set up for failure as fodder for NFL's new young gun.

Big Surprise! He heroically finds his rhythm almost immediately, leads team to brink of Super Bowl.

* * *

Show Title: "Joe Canada"

	"Joe Canada"

Premise: Young Ottawa hockey player turns into one of the NHL's best, leading his scrappy team to status as one of the league's most inspiring success stories.

Big Surprise! Owners can't pay 'em, resulting in bankruptcy and likely sale to some unappreciative American conglomerate trying to put the cow town of its headquarters on the sports map.

* * *

Show Title: "Joe Ming"

Premise: The real-world adventures of a very tall Chinese guy stumbling through the trials and tribulations of his rookie season in the NBA. Critics scoff at his ineffectiveness early on.

Big Surprise! He's really good ... no, he's great. Not only does he establish himself as the second-best center in the league within 20 games, but his legion of fans domestically and abroad oust reigning top center, help him rule as All-Star starter for the next, oh, 10 years.

* * *

Show Title: "Joe Mornhinweg"

	"Joe Mornhinweg"

Premise: Football coach wins overtime coin flip and is given the chance to get the ball first, and thus lead his team to a rare win.

Big Surprise! He takes the wind rather than the ball, and the opposing team promptly drives down the field to win the game. But the biggest surprise is that he keeps his job.

* * *

Show Title: "Joe Coughlin"

Premise: Previously successful pro football head coach is wooed by terrible franchise in search of a savior.

Big Surprise! He'd like to more than double the team's personnel and scouting staff, after owner said from the start he is intent on keeping the staff small. Coughlin voted off island. Wait, what show is this again?

* * *

Show Title: "Joe-Rod"

	"Joe Rod"

Premise: Team signs the best all-around player in baseball for a ridiculous amount of money, figuring that he will be the foundation of many championship teams to come.

Big Surprise! While the player is individually brilliant, team can't cobble enough decent players around him to even be mediocre.

* * *

Show Title: "Joe Richardson III"

Little ol' Tennessee State University is thrilled to have legendary basketball coach's son as its head coach.

Big Surprise! Father turns out to be a little crazy, and son revealed to be a really interesting (um, allegedly gun-toting and assistant-threatening) character.

* * *

Show Title: "Joe Vick"

Premise: Second-year quarterback emerges as most exciting player in football; causes fans who know better to cram onto his playoff bandwagon looking for more.

Big Surprise! While he tortures mediocre defenses, he gets overwhelmed by the great ones; his team meekly recedes from playoffs, and that sound you hear is the breaking ankles of the many jumping off the bandwagon.

* * *
Show Title: "Joe Cuban"

	"Joe Cuban"

Premise: Rich basketball team owner joins exclusive clique of other rich owners, who all think he'll be a go-along-get-along type of guy. (Also considered title "Joe Billionaire.")

Big Surprise! Turns out he speaks his mind, spends lavishly on his players and otherwise makes the other owners look miserly and joyless.

* * *

Show Title: "Jo-Anna Millionaire"

Premise: Luscious blond athlete is put up in a sick beach-side estate, while suitor upon suitor of drooling, often-pathetic men attempt to catch her eye and maybe win her favor.

Big Surprise! Wait, we thought Trista Rehn was "The Bachelorette?"

* * *

Show Title: LeBron Millionaire

Premise: High school kid is the next basketball Jesus. Figuring he's worth a ton of money, dozens of suitors -- from agents to shoe companies -- line up to woo him.

Big Surprise! Whoops, no joke ... this is reality.

Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2. His regular column, The Daily Quickie, is published at 9 a.m. every weekday morning.