Darryl Strawberry couldn't keep his secrets hidden in the closet.

What was the drug rehab thinking when it booted Darryl Strawberry, reportedly for breaking a rule -- having sex in a closet?

A. They were worried he would traumatize all their mops and brooms.

B. Not enough room in a closet for the kind of sweeping home-run stroke Straw was famous for.

C. The rehab is run by Boston Red Sox fans, who wanted to stick it to The Boss by causing all his 2002 spring reclamation projects -- Straw, Ruben Rivera (glove thief) and Doc Gooden (arrested for driving under the influence) -- to fail.

D. Since he had just turned 40, they were worried that he might physically harm himself if he continued trying to have sex while standing in a closet.

E. Actually, the rule he broke had nothing to do with sex in the closet ... it was walking around for days afterward with a huge smile on his face that broke a rule.

F. They couldn't understand why a man with recurrent cancer, who is addicted to drugs and alcohol, with a long rap sheet, prone to domestic violence, broke, with no job prospects, who had blown a Hall of Fame baseball career, and was locked away from his family in a rehab facility one step removed from jail (if that), should be allowed to have a few moments of pleasure in his life.