It's a nonstick spray! No, it's a deodorant! It's a nonstick spray! ...

What the heck were the football players at Sacramento State thinking when they greased their jerseys with PAM cooking spray before going out and losing to No. 1 Montana?

A. "We're athletes. It's important to cheat in a healthy way, low in calories and saturated fats."

B. "Mind you, the spray was a supplement -- not a substitute -- for our normal steroid usage."

C. "Of course it didn't work. We forgot to shake well before using."

D. "Since when did the media start attending Big Sky games?"

E. "They deserve to be No. 1. Even our low-calorie, oleo-alternative pass-rushing tactics were no match for them."

F. "You show me where usage of nonstick cooking materials is strictly prohibited in the rule book."