PERFECT HOME! True, the Tigers are a horrible, horrible team. But ask not what the Tigers can do for you, but rather what they can do for your career! Don't believe me? Just ask Luis Gonzalez, Bubba Trammell, Travis Fryman, Hideo Nomo, David Wells and even Juan Gonzalez! Spend just a year with the Tigers, and then sit back and watch as they trade you away for peanuts to a contender! So, Pedro, this is the best place for you -- at least for a little while.
YANKS OFFER PEDRO A GOOD HOME: New Yorkers will love you, and we're sure you will find our rotation quite cozy. Just the other day we plugged up ½ the gap and we'd love to further secure our staff with you, Pedro. In return how 'bout Randy Keisler (a promising young lefty, despite the 3-plus HRs he's allowed per game at Coors)? To sweeten the deal, we'll throw in Mark Wohlers and 10 dozen baseballs to cover the wild pitches he'll throw into the crowd. And as a final bonus, we could toss in speedster Gerald Williams b/c we don't really need him. What, not satisfied? Well, Pedro, we promise to provide you with a high-priced NYC lawyer just in case you should ever need to avoid deportation.
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ROCKIES, DON'T PASS THIS ONE UP! RED SOX FAN has surplus of ready-to-play everyday hustlers. Think of what these guys can do for you, as their batting averages skyrocket from .220 to .238! Lansing, Merloni, and Grebeck PLUS Troy O'Leary and former Gold Glover Darren Lewis. We will ship them all to you for one Pedro Astacio. We gave you Ray Bourque ... make this deal and we'll call it even. Feel the excitement as Troy O'Leary bats for the Rockies with the bases juiced and one out. You can just smell the 6 to 4 to 3, enabling all Rockies fans to be home in time for the Nuggets Nightly Report. Call now!
PUT PEDRO IN THE COMERICA CABANA! TIGERS FAN will give up Wendell Magee, minor-league prospects and $$$. Pedro would put much better stats as a Tiger, and his presence would stabilize the Tigers rotation. Will thrown in more, as we have big, gigantic yard with no stars to gaze at.
INDIANS FAN looking for a power pitcher, fearless and intimidating, but also a winner through and through. We have our sights set on Pedro Astacio. We're willing to deal current crazed closer John Rocker (mouth and all), and Yankees killer Chuck Finley, though not sure what good a Yankee killer will do Rockies.
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PHILLIES FAN: looking to unload pitchers for even a chance at a decent starter or set-up man. Pitchers Phillies would be willing to give up include Amaruay Telemaco, Randy Wolf, Ed Vosberg and Jose Santiago. We would even be willing to part with phenom OF Eric Valent, and speedy 2B Marlon Anderson. We are interested in top-name quality starters like yourself, Mr. Astacio. Please send all trade inquiries to the Phillies' 2001 playoffs ticket office.
PEDRO, TRADE IN YOUR COORS LIGHT AIR FOR SOME ST. LOUIS HUMIDITY! CARDINALS FAN in search of a reliable starting pitcher who will attempt to convince the opponents that the game is not their batting practice. Ready to trade Craig Paquette, or Eli Marrero and "Long Ball" Ray Lankford. The Rockies can use these guys, and we'd love to have Mr. Astacio. Everybody wins!
PEDRO IS FOR THE BIRDS! O'S FAN needs a right-handed starter so we can ship Jose Mercedes off to some desert island, and Pedro Astacio would be the perfect fit. The Rockies would receive Jeff Conine, who can do it all, and the versatile utilityman Melvin Mora. Both are sure to put up huge numbers at Coors. Time is running out, so say "yes" now!
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Before Pedro Astacio said goodbye to the Rockies on Tuesday, several Page 2 readers made some pitches on behalf of their teams.
Check out today's "Meat Market" classified ads -- our listings of what fans were willing to offer on Monday's featured item, new Houston Astros pitcher Pedro Astacio.
Then vote for the offer you believe was the best to bag Astacio.
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