Open mike: 'CopacabAnna'
By Dan Shanoff
Page 2 columnist

Anna Kournikova might have played herself out of the U.S. Open in its first few days, but she continues to be a center of attention where tennis meets pop culture. Tonight, the unknown band Binge will release its CD, entitled "Anna Kournikova," at a club in New York.

Barry Manilow
Barry Manilow
We may or may not make it to the release party (we'll be busy watching Jon Bon Jovi in Times Square), but after sifting through the ol' CD collection, Page 2 took a guess at how one single might go. Feel free to sing aloud to this song borrowed from Barry Manilow:

'Anna Kournikova'
(Sung to the tune of 'Copacabana')

Her name was Anna, her game was tennis.
Tiny skirts -- oh! -- did she wear, ponytail hung down to there.
She hit some groundstrokes, maybe a backhand
And while she tried to be a star, she really never got too far
At the big e-vents, she barely made a dent
She got swept out in early rounds
Packing she was sent!

'Cause it's Anna! (Oh!), Ko-Kournikova!
'Gainst any foe she would rollova!
Oh, it's Anna! Ko-Kournikova!
Sure she is hot, but she can't hit the drop-shot
Oh, that Anna ... she fell apart.

(Anna ... Ko-Kournikova ...)

His name was 'Rique, he was a pop star.
Fell in love with Anna's game though she couldn't pronounce his name.
When she got beat, 'Rique consoled her
He must have gone a bit too far, 'cause Sergei sailed across the bar
Anna Kournikova
"... She wore the Google crown, but was a Grand Slam clown ..."
So then NHL put VH-1 in hell
There was blood and a hockey-style fight
Who won? Can't you tell!

'Cause it's Anna! (Oh!), Ko-Kournikova!
Flames out like a big supernova!
Oh, it's Anna! Ko-Kournikova!
Making guys grin don't translate into winning
Oh, that Anna ... she lost again.

(Anna ... Ko-Kournikova ...)

Her name was Anna, she still draws crowds
But with every mounting loss, her looks lose a little gloss
There is winning, but not for Anna
Midriff just a bit less bare, what a very sad affair
She wore the Google crown, but was a Grand Slam clown
A pretty face without some wins
"You're not paid to frown!"

'Cause it's Anna! (Oh!), Ko-Kournikova!
Endorsements spring up like they're clova!
Oh, it's Anna! Ko-Kournikova!
Sure she's high-profile, but she plays with no style.
Oh, that Anna ... don't fall in love.

Dan Shanoff is a columnist for Page 2.



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