If Jose Canseco hits his 500th home run in Montreal and nobody is there to see it, does it make a sound?

What was Jose Canseco thinking when he signed a minor-league contract with the Montreal Expos?

A. "Dammit, I need 38 homers to reach 500, and if I've got to go to Montreal to get back to the bigs, I'll do it."

B. "With no one sitting in the outfield seats, it'll be really easy for me to retrieve every milestone home run."

C. "Geez, I once dated Madonna ... now I'm playing in front of 2,500."

D. "There aren't that many people in Canada. It should be pretty easy for me to find Jamie Sale and make her mine."

E. "I've finally found a city where the people probably haven't seen that blooper where the flyball bounced off my head."

F. "Yes! I managed to beat McGwire as the Bash Brother who had the longest career."