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View the world through Torre's pinstriped glasses

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News item: Manager Joe Torre named seven Yankees to the American League All-Star team this week. "I don't apologize for taking seven Yankees," Torre said. "I think they all have numbers that make their choice appropriate. ... I'd like to be a little greedy here."

Joe Torre
Joe Torre offers no apology for his choice of the "Magnificent Seven."
Just imagine if Torre had the power to get greedy elsewhere ...

Torre appoints Kangaroo Court
WASHINGTON -- Two months after the addition of seven Joe Torre-appointed justices, the new Supreme Court delivered its first opinions yesterday.

With Justices Clemens, Jeter, Rivera, Posada, Stanton, Williams and Pettitte in the new majority, the Court reaffirmed by 7-2 votes the designated hitter rule, the infield-fly rule and the ground-rule double but rejected the Cincinnati Reds' ban on facial hair as a violation of the First Amendment governing freedom of expression.

Justices Thomas and Souter dissented from the majority in all cases, disputing the qualifications of the seven Yankees. Torre said he will consider replacing the two justices with Paul O'Neill and Luis Sojo.

The Court also ruled in a criminal assault case that a splintered baseball bat cannot be considered a dangerous weapon. "At its essence a bat is a tool, a plaything, a piece of sporting equipment," Justice Clemens wrote in the majority opinion. "Break it in two, shatter it, and it remains the same. I don't know what the hell Piazza was thinking about."

By another 7-2 vote, the Court also overturned its own 1972 Curt Flood ruling and declared him a retroactive free agent.

"Because Flood died several years and because Kevin Malone is no longer general manager of the Dodgers, we find it very unlikely that the outfielder will receive a multiyear contract offer," Justice Williams wrote in explaining the Court's unprecedented decision to levy National League owners $800 million in compensatory and punitive damages.

Roger Clemens
Justice Clemens was eager to rule on the splintered bat case.
The justices also fined Chuck Knoblauch $50 for missing a bunt sign.

Torre's Hall of Yankees
COOPERSTOWN, N.Y. -- Saying it's time to correct oversights of the past, Joe Torre elected seven more Yankees to the Hall of Fame yesterday, extending baseball's ultimate honor to Roger Maris, Thurman Munson, Ron Guidry, Don Mattingly, Mickey Rivers, Bobby Murcer and Joe Pepitone.

"It's been an overwhelming year. First, I'm named the permanent replacement for Gene Siskel, then I receive the Nobel Prize for Literature and now this," Rivers said. "I think I could talk about this for hours and hours, but I'm speechless."

Mattingly said he is honored but will be unable to attend the induction ceremonies because that's the same day he is scheduled to begin his appointment as U.S. ambassador to the United Nations.

Torre's 'Real World'
NEW YORK -- MTV will celebrate the 10th anniversary of "The Real World" by taking the show back to its first city, New York. Only this time, the cast will have larger living quarters. Much larger.

Roger Clemens
Mike Piazza's inclusion in "The Real World" cast should make for an interesting dynamic.
"I'm pleased to announce that The Real World's 10th anniversary season will be at the most famous house in New York -- the 'House That Ruth Built,' " manager Joe Torre told Carson Daly on "Total Request Live." "Not only that, the cast will be made up almost entirely of Yankees -- Roger Clemens, Derek Jeter, Bernie Williams, Jorge Posada, Mariano Rivera, Andy Pettitte and Mike Stanton."

Torre said the only non-Yankee is Mets Mike Piazza, which Daly speculated will make for some very interesting group dynamics.

"We hope this is as interesting a study in social interaction as the original 'Real World' pilot episode was with Mike Kekich and Fritz Peterson," Torre said.

Torre's Wall of Yankees
RAPID CITY, S.D. -- Move over George, Abe, Tom and Teddy, you're getting company.

Manager Joe Torre announced that the U.S. Parks Service will add the faces of seven Yankees to Mount Rushmore -- Babe Ruth, Lou Gehrig, Joe DiMaggio, Mickey Mantle, Yogi Berra, Derek Jeter and bench coach Don Zimmer.

Yogi Berra
Piazza congratulates Yogi Berra on being chosen for the "Wall of Yankees."
"It's time to properly honor the Yankees' place in this country's history and create a true Monument Valley large enough for all Americans to see," Torre said. "The Magnificent Seven will join the original four just as soon as someone can figure out a way to carve a 40-foot-high Yogi face."

Torre said this latest news will not delay the issue date for a set of 34-cent postage stamps honoring seven Yankees.

'Joe Torre and the Goblet of Yankees'
HOLLYWOOD -- Manager Joe Torre ended months of suspense yesterday when he announced the much-anticipated cast for the Harry Potter movie.

The role of Harry Potter will be played by Chuck Knoblauch, Torre told a crowd of the book's adoring fans in front of the newly renamed Zimmer's Chinese Theater. "He's the proper height," Torre said. "And perhaps he'll discover a spell that will cure his throwing problems."

Torre said other cast members include Roger Clemens as Professor Severus Snape, Derek Jeter as Ron Weasley, Mariano Rivera as Vernon Dursley, Bernie Williams as Rubeus Hagrid, Scott Brosius as Professor Quirrell and Don Zimmer as Nearly Headless Nick.

Jim Caple is a senior writer for

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