Leonardo DiCaprio wants to teach President Bush a thing or two about global warming.

What the heck was Leonardo DiCaprio thinking when he ripped President Bush for his environmental record and urged him to attend the Earth Summit in South Africa later this month?

A. "It was Alec Baldwin's day off, so they called me."

B. "I became a friend of the environment after our wrap party for 'The Beach' resulted in the extinction of 47 different species of marine life."

C. "The guy needs to learn where South Africa is, anyway. Let's kill two birds with one stone."

D. "Giselle thinks it's hot when I get all granola."

E. "I believe that after spearheading an aluminum can recycling drive on the set of 'Titanic,' I'm well qualified to address global environmental issues."

F. "Isn't South Africa that place where black people were second-class citizens and couldn't get good work? That reminds me of Hollywood."