What the heck was Kevin Costner thinking when he played for the San Bernardino Spirits -- a Seattle farm team -- against the Mariners in an exhibition game?

	Kevin Costner isn't a big-leaguer -- he just plays one on the silver screen.

A. "I forgot that I was just an actor playing a professional baseball player in 'For Love of the Game.' "

B. "If I show up, they will come."

C. " 'Waterworld' wasn't that bad. Jeremy Giambi not sliding against the Yankees ... now that was bad."

D. "The way my movie career is going lately, I need to find some other profession to fall back on."

E. "After the way Page 2 readers ripped me in that Mystery Photo last month, I've got to find a way to get back in the good graces of sports fans."

F. "Well, I believe in the soul ... the small of a woman's back, the hanging curve ball, high fiber, good scotch, that my baseball skills are self-indulgent, overrated crap. I believe that Ichiro has one heck of an arm. I believe there ought to be a constitutional amendment outlawing Astroturf and the designated hitter. I believe in the sweet spot, soft-core pornography, opening your presents Christmas morning rather than Christmas Eve and I believe in blowing long, slow, deep, soft, wet kisses that last three days to my own image in the mirror."