ROME IS BURNINGDeion Sanders says he has "great respect" for embattled Atlanta Falcons coach Dan Reeves, but wants to replace him. Yeah, and nothing says respect quite like driving a knife into a guy's back. First rule of the coaching profession Prime, don't actively lobby for a man's gig while he still has it. As if any NFL owner, even one as clueless as Arthur Blank is going to let him walk right out of a studio, with no coaching experience and no sense of what the job requires and just give him control of an NFL franchise. No problem Prime, but only if Tim McKyer gets to coach the New York Giants.
The NBA player of the week has to be Willie Anderson. The former 9-year baller reportedly has fathered at least 9 kids by 7 different women. Hey Willie, since you were absent the day they covered this in 7th grade health class, let me help you out. There are two ways to avoid fathering at least 9 kids with 7 different women. One, don't have sex. Granted that is not an option for anyone in the NBA not named A.C. Green. Or, two, you could always just wrap up. Move over Steve Garvey, Shawn Kemp, Evander Holyfield, and Dr. J. We have a new champion of illegitimate kids and his name is Willie Anderson. Hey Willie, don't wait for it to rain to throw on a raincoat.
The Boston Red Sox put Manny Ramirez on irrevocable waivers recently. Of course, putting on a guy on waivers is the equivalent of telling him to beat it, get lost, we don't like you. And how little do they think of the guy that they were willing to lose him and get nothing in return? Willing to risk losing him to the enemy, the New York Yankees, and not even care? Hard to believe, but no one claimed him. Afterall, who wouldn't want a $20 million dollar a year guy, who can't play the field, can't run the bases, can't be counted on to even show up for the most critical games and basically doesn't care about anything or anyone but himself. I mean, it's a mystery why nobody wanted to claim this guy.
The Oakland Raiders season was already over even before their humiliating loss to the equally horrible Detroit Lions Sunday. And now you may as well throw some dirt on head coach Bill Callahan considering star corner Charles Woodson threw him right under the bus. "I think we have a coach with a very big ego. And he's not listening to the veterans….if you can't listen to guys with experience like we have on offense, then I think that's something very wrong." One thing he failed to add; just being Beau Bridges jr. is not enough to keep you employed. Hall of Famers like Jerry Rice and Tim Brown are not going to listen to the guy just because he's a stunt double for Beau Bridges.
Britney Spears says he is no longer going to do any revealing photo spreads for any mags. This after recent topless shoots for the cover of Rolling Stone and British Elle and a bottomless shoot for Esquire. That's like Robert Downey Jr. going on a week long bender and then swearing off coke the next day. Right. Bad news, Brit, people aren't buying your CD's for your music. If it was just about the music, you wouldn't have had to resort to tongueing your grandmother Madonna, remember? If you want to become more irrelevant at even faster clip than you already are, by all means, stay dressed. More likely, we'll look forward to your making the cover circuit again in a few weeks.
I'm thinking of changing this segment from 'Thought to Rome With', to 'This Weeks' Crackback on Reality TV.' As you know, many Europeans have a healthy disdain for all things American. We're crass, we're gauche, we all eat fast food. We have no culture. Now, this might all be true, but you can never call us out ever again. Not after ripping the most American concept of all: 'Man v. Beast'. You may remember , an unnamed network…FOX, strapped up 44 little people and had them pull an airplane in a race against an elephant who was doing the same. Well, the Euros wanted to have their own little guys have a tug of war with an elephant before the idea was shot down. How very cultured and refined. You may have your world class museums and architecture, but the second you had midgets competing with elephants, you got right down in the mud with us. Hypocrites.
It was this week in 1988 that 'teen sensation' Debbie Gibson held a séance at her Halloween party. She tried to contact fellow musicians, Liberace and Sid Vicious. Yeah, those two have a lot in common. A punk rocker and a sequin wearing, candleabra worshipping pianist. I'm sure those two like to roll together in the afterlife. Hey, I see her working. She was just practicing for later. Considering her career has been dead for years, she might want to whip up another séance to see if anyone knows where it went.