Heini HiltunenTimo Kaukonen, left, sweats it out at the Sauna World Championships.

OK kids, today's activity is to go down to your local Pizza Hut, have the oven set for 261° and insert your body into it. The tips of your ears start to ignite. The backs of your arms scream. Your throat burns as if somebody had stuck a tiki torch down it. Your lips feel bitten by large, unseen raccoons. And you haven't hit 30 seconds.

Now do it for 10 minutes or more, and that's what it's like to compete in quite possibly the world's dumbest sport: the Sauna World Championships.

I know. I entered.

The eighth annual championships were held in August 2007 in Heinola, Finland, a lake-riddled town 87 kilometers north of Helsinki. As my wife, The Lovely Cynthia (TLC), and I drove up, my mind reeled at what kind of things competitors would say to sportswriters afterward: "I just got hot. What can I say?"

I went over the rules. Competing in six-person heats -- written without irony -- the 84 contestants battle to see whose skin boils last. You may wear only a bathing suit that goes eight inches down the leg and absolutely nothing else. You can wipe sweat from your face but not your body. You cannot cover your ears with your hands. You may not lean over too far. Ambulances will be standing by. Good luck!

In doing some prematch research, TLC discovered that there was an Australian gambling site that set the odds. Three-time defending champ Timo "The Great" Kaukonen was a 2.15-1 favorite. I was listed at 101-1. Nobody but a Finn has ever won the title. In fact, nobody but a Finn has ever been in the six-man final. There are 5.2 million people in Finland, and nearly two million saunas. This is a nationally televised event.

At the registration table, officials asked me to remove my shirt, then scrawled my number, 82, on each of my biceps. I learned I was in a heat with Timo the Great. And that's when -- as if on cue -- his sauna-company-sponsored mobile home, complete with a sauna inside, pulled up.

Read More »