Dear Pastor Terry Jones,

If you really need to set something on fire, could you please consider the following alternatives?

Mitchell Layton/Getty ImagesIn 2003, the Washington Wizards and Michael Jordan dressed up as Bullets. Burn, baby, burn.

• The unfinished manuscript of "19-0: The Historic Championship Season of New England's Unbeatable Patriots."

• The University of Oregon 's football uniforms for the last five seasons

• Every Auto-Tune machine that does not belong to T-Pain

• Photographic negatives from Kobe Bryant's Los Angeles Times magazine shoot

• NFL preseason ticket stubs displaying regular-season game prices

• Albert Haynesworth's off-season conditioning plan and/or workout log

• Original script, "Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen"

• All remaining Michael Jordan No. 23 Washington Bullets throwback jerseys

• MRI scans of a 1998 abscess on Roger Clemens' buttocks

• LeBron James No. 23 Cleveland Cavaliers jerseys too late